Round Trip Ticket to Germ Warfare: Day 1

At long last, the epic narrative of my vacay begins here.

Digest slowly.

For those of you unaware, this was a cruise from Miami, FL to the Bahamas with three Island stops. By the time we left port I had already experience chills, a fever, a swollen neck, some vomiting, and a cockroach take residence on top of my head. After sleeping through a friend's wedding, I was barely ready to tackle a vacation. Weak and weary, I left the boat on the first stop with fists clenched and viral combat coursing through my body.

The first island was Grand Bahama. According to our guide, there's barely a remnant of indigenous people, plant life, and animals. Cheers.

After seeing the beaches where the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels were filmed, we set off on a leisurely kayak run through a mangrove forest. Our group was an eclectic mix of helpless elderly folks who took extra care in getting their kayaks stuck and arguing the physics of paddling.

Our next stop was a secluded beach in Lucaya National Park. After failing to be able to swallow anything solid, we did some frolicking in the warm, clear water. It was amazing until I failed to maintain vertical balance. With my strength all but a memory, we headed off to see some caves.

By this time I was excited for this unexpected portion of our excursion.

Caves are cool shit.

The world's smallest second wind got me through the rest of the afternoon and we finally made it back to the room where we were greeted by the cutest rabbit made out of towels you're likely to see this century.

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